you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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