The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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