woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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