"it" just moved
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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