know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
