OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
