my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
