Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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