Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
