My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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