I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want to fling myself into the sun
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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