We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
