I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
