areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
