guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
