this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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