billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
