well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
