Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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