really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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