Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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