I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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