Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
