Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
