FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Shame is for Republicans.
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