textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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