i already hear my dad disowning me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
