Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
