i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lost the right to judge tonight
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
