The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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