Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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