I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
