Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
