Christians are straight up FREAKS
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
