I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
