Please, let me fuck your mom
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
