I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
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Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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