my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
