he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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