You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
