last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
