This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
