is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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