Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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