A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
