after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
