is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!