What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
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at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.