it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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