Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
