the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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