I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
