So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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