I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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