she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize