Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
