Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
