Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
