you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
