Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
