I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
