dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
