Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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