Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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