That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
