You don't have asthma, your pregnant
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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