the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They took my balls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
