so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
