Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
