if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
