so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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